Getting to "No!" By Peter Felsmann, MPS Associate Consultant
“If we don't change direction soon, we'll end up where we're going.” - Professor Irwin Corey
A lot has been written about how to get to "Yes!" Think compromise, negotiation, Win/Win outcomes, etc. This article is about how to get to "No!"
From a very early age, we are subjected to conditioning that says that in order to be “good,” we must always do what others want us to do and say “yes” to multiple demands. As adults, this puts us in a very challenging place, since it is impossible to please everyone all of the time. Indeed, most of us are so overwhelmed just trying to do what others ask of us that it's difficult to fulfill what we need and want. Whether we are aware of it or not, this programming affects our productivity. So here we are, wanting and trying to do everything: please our bosses, our colleagues, our direct reports, all while being responsible parents, devoted spouses, and good children. Oh, if only we could! But we truly can't.
Pause to let this sink in. We truly can't. We have endless to-do lists and a finite number of hours in each day. There will always be more to do than hours available. You will never, ever, ever get it All done!
Consider how you currently spend your time: between sleeping, eating, working, commuting, grooming, cleaning, errands, etc., most people are tied up 21-23 hours a day. That leaves one hour left over. SIXTY MINUTES! One hour to: workout, play with our children, romance our spouse, walk the dog, meditate, read, learn a foreign language, play an instrument, paint a masterpiece, fix the broken widget, and of course watch Oprah.
Pretty depressing, huh? Go ahead, grab some tissue and have yourself a good cry.
Ready to continue? I have found that one of the MOST CHALLENGING things to change in life is the compulsion to say “yes.” However, doing what you love (what is meaningful) REQUIRES you to start saying "no." Saying "no" to things like: people asking if they can talk to you for "two minutes"; BlackBerry/PDA rings; email on evenings and weekends; phone calls during dinner with family, etc.
I know, I know… you're likely thinking that it's your JOB to be available; you don't want to be perceived as a "loner"; you need to be a "team player", etc, etc. That's your unconscious belief system talking.
THE REALITY IS:
• People are usually fine with leaving voicemail, as long as you get back to them within 8 work hours.
• Drive-by interrupters will respect your time MORE if you kindly respond with a "No problem, send me an email and I'll get back to you after 3 pm."
• Your friends and co-workers will understand and respect that you value your family time.
• And if they DON'T, why would you want to please someone that doesn't care about you and your family's highest good?
To be clear, I'm NOT advocating obnoxiousness. I AM saying that it takes practice and love to create the boundaries that allow for causing and generating positive change. Love? Yup, good ole' fashion Love.
L-O-V-E. Amore. The thing is folks, saying "No" is really saying "Yes" to the things that are meaningful to you.
STRATEGIES FOR GETTING TO "NO!"
If you only had 12 months to live and you didn't want to quit your job, what would you make a priority? Nobody ever said on their death-bed, "Jeez, if ONLY I could answer more emails before I go." Get Clear on your Meaningful Objectives.
1) Be "Selfish" with Your Time. I put that in quotation marks because by being "selfish" you actually can be GENEROUS with those things that are a priority.
2) Communicate Your Intention to Your Coworkers to increase productivity by being more aware of interruptions and ask for their support. Ever been to a dog training class? If yes, then you know that the one getting “trained” is the OWNER! Why? Because the dog responds to the owner's behaviour. So does everyone else in your life. You constantly train others on how to relate to you.
3) Eliminate Temptations. Get rid of the candy jar on your desk. Turn off the blinking envelope that appears with new email. Set IM on “Invisible” or “Busy.”
4) Practice, Practice, Practice. You've been running your conditioning for decades, right? Give yourself a break and know that it will feel weird and uncomfortable to create the change. But keep going and pretty soon you'll feel lighter and more balanced knowing that you are handling your objectives generously.
The New 2007 Add-in Is Here!
We are very pleased to announce the release of our latest productivity-enhancing tool, the new 2007 MPS Take Back Your Life! 4Outlook Add-in. Bringing more power and functionality to Outlook, the new MPS Add-in minimizes the steps necessary to quickly and efficiently manage email. With one click access, sent and received mails are instantly transformed into reference items, tasks, and appointments – No more dragging and dropping! Templates, calendar reports, and built-in coaching further enhance productivity and allow focus on what's truly important each and every day. Designed for individuals and organizations alike. Take a free test drive by clicking here.
Congratulations to our MPS Summer Celebration Contest Winners!
In our first category, the following five lucky individuals each won an autographed copy of
our newly released book, Take Back Your Life! Using MS Outlook 2007 to Get Organized and
Stay Organized, signed by authors Sally McGhee and John Wittry: Bill McQuain of WA,
Melissa Guenther of AZ, Gordon Turnbull of the UK, Sherrie Brewer of CA, and Robert
Papandreau of CA. Thank you for participating! Your books are on their way!
And in our second category, we are happy to announce that Scott Ford of WA won the rare
opportunity to engage in a special one-hour personal coaching session with Sally McGhee.
Congratulations, Scott!
Many thanks to all who participated in the Summer Celebration Contest!
Own TBYL 2003, and Not Sure If You Should Upgrade to TBYL 2007? Here are Key Differences
to Help You Decide
There are two new chapters with fresh content: one on managing interruptions, and another on creating personal and business meaningful objectives and supporting projects. Sally and John upgraded all the content and screen shots to reflect the new features of 2007 in the context of productivity. They also tweaked content throughout the book with lots of new insights and deeper learning’s. To further support readers, special offers and product discounts have been included as well. The book is available through major book sellers nationally and internationally. To place an order, click here.
Drive Better Productivity and Accountability throughout Your Organization
For businesses that operate on a calendar year, the 4th quarter is a busy time of planning and preparation as they look ahead to the next year's goals and objectives. At MPS, we are currently practicing what we preach by developing our Objective Accountability Plan and Strategic Team Plans for 2008. To learn more about how our processes drive productivity and results throughout organizations both large and small, contact us by clicking here.
October 24th is Take Back Your Time Day
A project of the Center for Religion, Ethics and Social Policy at Cornell University, this major U.S./Canadian initiative is designed to challenge the epidemic of overwork, over-scheduling and time famine that now threatens our health, families, relationships, communities and environment. Learn more at www.timeday.org.
To learn more about McGhee Productivity Solutions consulting services, online learning and software products, please visit our website at www.mcgheeproductivity.com.
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